New York: 'Nuff Said.

(Photo thanks to Buddytv.com)


Who likes New York? The answer is no one. There is absolutely no reason why this obnoxious piece of trash should get any attention whatsoever.

She became "famous" on the Vh1 show Flavor of Love starring none other than Flavor Flaaaav himself. So automatically she's a joke. Flavor Flav didn't like her birth-given name Tiffany Pollard, along with the other hoes, so he renamed them all profound names like "Bubbles", and "Buck-Wild". Ahh, very intellectually stimulating. Out of all the ridiculous gold-digging girls on the show, New York was most definitely the worst. As most reality show actors are, New York was obviously trying to do whatever would make her stand out, so she slept with that disgusting bag of bones, Flavor Flav. GROSS.

As painful as it was watching her one BOTH seasons of Flavor of Love, Vh1 apparently thought we asked for more. They brought her back with the spinoff reality shows I Love New York, I Love New York 2, New York Goes to Hollywood, and New York Goes to Work. Really? I had enough of this chick after one episode of her sucking face with Flavor Flav. In fact, the only time I enjoyed watching her in the slightest was when "Punkin" (another piece of reality show trash) spit in her face, and when "Buck-Wild" (yes...buck-wild) threw a shoe at her huge dome piece.

Why would Vh1 put her in any shows at all? She's a horrible actress, even for a reality show. She made me turn off the tv on several occasions, and definitely made me steer clear from Vh1. This was obviously for ratings. Unfortunately, the series premiere of the first season of her show was actually the highest rated premiere of a reality show on Vh1, ever. Yeah, ever. How is this possible? You guys are all sick. I know I wasn't helping her ratings.

The network also accomplished another amazing feat; being host to the longest kiss in reality tv history! The winners??? Miss Tiffany "New York" Pollard, and none other than...say it with me, people....FLAAAAVORRR FLAAAAVV!! If that doesn't make you lose your breakfast, I'm all out of ideas. Thats a whole lot of spit swapping that I want to know nothing about. I want no part of that.

Tiffany also self proclaimed herself to be the H.B.I.C. on Flavor of Love. This stands for the Head Bitch In Charge. She's smart too!!

Anyways, the moral of the story here is that you can become rich for doing absolutely jack shit. You can have a piercing voice and sleep with old rapper-men who are obsessed with chanting their own name, and be involved in a few bitch fights and you will be golden. You can also annoy the shit out of everyone in the world and still get casted for a THIRD season of I Love New York. Yep, there is a third season coming out. I'm just as upset as you are. This is what we have to look forward to?

I am highly considering offing myself before this can happen.

Michael Lohan: Desperate Deadbeat.

(Photo thanks to celebritysmackblog.com)


Michael Lohan, why do you deserve to be famous?? You just got out of prison and you don't pay your child support! Obviously your ex wife and her two daughters are hot messes, but why should you gain fame over your daughter's life spiraling out of control?? We get it, Lindsay needs help. We didn't need your dumbass to tell us that.

Michael Lohan has taken it upon himself several times to reach out to the public to tell them that his fire-crotch daughter Lindsay Lohan needs help. Thanks, Michael, I couldn't tell by the mug-shots and posession charges plastered all over the newsstands. Idiot. Second of all, what the hell kind of help is that going to give to her? By telling the whole world how screwed up his PUBLICLY screwed up daughter is, he is doing nothing but probably pissing her off, and acting as a trigger for her to go score some more coke.

How am I supposed to help Lindsay Lohan? Why would I try? I have enough problems of my own. Oh, thanks for the heads up, Michael, I'm gonna go hop on a fuckin plane sraight to LA and personally throw your ginger kid's freckly ass right into rehab.

My Goddddd.

Michael Lohan is the most obnoxious man. He's spent much of Lindsay's childhood in the slammer, and feels that it's completely appropriate for him to publicly make statements not about how he is going to help his daughter, but how everybody else should. Shut up, Michael, you're a hypocrite.

Also, what's up with him hanging out with Jon Gosselin?? Jon, if you're trying to hold your own in your divorce battle, you should probably get the fuck away from Michael Lohan. Even though he isn't as decked out in Ed Hardy as you, he is a much bigger douchebag. Nobody wants to see Michael rubbing off on Jon. Next thing we know, Jon will be telling the world to help Mady with her new heroin addiction. Don't even get me started on the child support Jon would have to pay. He'd have to give up his whole Ed Hardy wardrobe to pay for one week!

Anyways, the point is that Michael Lohan should step back, and shut up. He wasn't involved in Lindsay's life before she publicly messed up, so why should he chime in now? The best help she can get is if your dumbass shuts up, and lets her get help quietly.

Go away, Michael Lohan.

Speidi: Double the Trouble.

(Photos "thanks" to Google Images)


Heidi Montag and Spencer Pratt are losers. They became famous thanks to the no-talent Mtv show The Hills, which is basically a show about spoiled alcoholic 23 year-olds partying their asses off in Hollywood. It's weekly 23 minutes are filled mostly with the spoiled snots making facial expressions based on who is hooking up with who, while alternative music plays in the background. Nobody has very deep conversations, probably because they aren't smart enough to speak about anything other than Grey Goose vodka and who Brody Jenner is sleeping with. Riveting.

Heidi and Spencer clearly were not satisfied with the amount of publicity they received from the show alone, which explains why they are always doing everything in their power to show up on tv and annoying the piss out of everyone forced to witness. If you are trying to avoid these two, just not watching their dumb show will not cut it. Both of them have put out singles and are trying to push their "singing" careers. Spencer actually tries to rap. I should actually be thanking him for giving me such a good laugh. It's like listening to the biggest douchebag in the universe have verbal diarrhea. Heidi also performed on the 2009 Miss Universe contest, singing her hit single "Body Language" which sucked even though she lip synced the entire thing. Her dancing was also laughable. Someone should break the news to them that they weren't meant for singing. Or acting. Or speaking at all.

After season five of The Hills ended last summer, they have been hard up for their fix of publicity. This is probably why 24 year-old Heidi underwent some nip and tuck, to get the paparazzi chasing after her. However she went a little too far. A few weeks ago Heidi got a nose job, a boob job, an eyebrow lift, fat injections in her lips, work on her back (this exists?), botox in her forehead and frown area, fat injections in her cheeks, chin reduction (whaaat??), liposuction on her neck, thighs, and waist, got her ears pinned back, and wait for it...wait for it.....a butt job. A butt job, people! What the fuck is wrong with this girl??? She actually got ass implants to get a bigger butt. I don't know who is to blame here; the media, Hollywood, Heidi, fame, or her creepy husband Spencer Pratt.

It is amusing to make fun of her for being such a psychopath but it's actually pretty sad that a perfectly healthy 24 year-old felt that she needed all of that work done. If this was an attempt to appear on magazine covers, she was successful. She was also successful in making the entire world think she is out of her fucking tree. She wasn't hideous before the surgery, but now she looks like Michael Jackson or Joan Rivers.

It's only a matter of time before Speidi makes their next big splash in the pool of Lameville. It's too bad they can't sit back and spend their money on normal things and enjoy the life they have "earned". They may annoy the shit out of us, but they are indeed maintaining the spotlight and are the topic of conversation for many magazines and media news stories. It's only a matter of time before they come out with something more outrageous than this. I wonder when Spencer is getting his ass augmentation.

Kate Gosselin: Fame Whore.

(Photo thanks to US Weekly)

Remember the nagging mother of eight from Jon & Kate Plus Eight? Who could forget that nails on the chalkboard voice and how ridiculously mistreated Jon was? Although it may be hard to recognize her these days with all of the makeovers she has undergone, she is still around. (Unfortunately). Kate Gosselin is a big fame whore monster and I wish people would stop giving her gigs.

She started off desperately trying to let the world know how hard she works as a mother of eight and how much she had to deal with from her husband. First of all, she used fertility treatments and basically asked to have a million kids after the first set of twins. Second, Jon was a nice guy when they were married, I mean how much can you expect from a guy who has eight kids at age 32?

Kate wants the world to revolve around her. She wanted everything her way, all the time. This is probably why she and Jon got a divorce.

Personally, I must admit I was suckered into this show about the family of ten. I will also admit I was slightly upset by their break-up. Even though I didn't love Kate before, nothing compares to how obnoxious she became post break-up. Immediately Kate turned on the waterfalls and was sniffling on camera at every opportunity that came to her. She tried very hard to play the victim after news that Jon had cheated surfaced. I don't blame Jon for "partying with college coeds" one bit, although the publicity it got was definitely unfortunate. I feel bad for the kids mostly.

What I don't feel bad for, however, is the giant fame whore monster named Kate Gosselin. She sucks. She is using her children to become even richer than she already is. In all of the interviews she cries about how she just wants to provide for her eight children. GIVE ME A BREAK. She has already made enough money to send Leah, Collin, Aiden, Alexis, Mady, Cara, Joel, and Hannah's great-grandchildren to Harvard. She is a dirty, lying, fake fame whore who is trying to get her sixteenth minute of fame.

Sorry, Kate, but you need to go home and take care of your thousands of children. Don't worry about Jon and his partying, or his insane wardrobe full of Ed Hardy t-shirts and matching pants. It doesn't matter. You made the decision to have all of those kids now send home your staff that raises them and do it yourself.

To make things worse, some asshole let her be a contestant on "Dancing with the Stars." I could have called it that she would blow as a dancer. She is too much of a control freak to be able to loosen up and dance. Thank god she didn't last long on the show. The only good thing that came out of her involvement on the show is that she was embarrassed as one of the judges stated that she looked like "a shopping cart being pushed around". Bahaha.

Take it, Kate. Get out of our faces.

Paris Hilton: That's hot.

(Photo thanks to freakingnews.com) Notice the absurd amount of puppies and that possible bottle of alcohol peeking out from her purse.

I think it's fair to start off with one of the least talented celebrities to have ever existed in the history of the world. I mean, how talented could a girl be that matches clothes with her Louis Vuitton sized dog? There are so many things to say about Miss Hilton; none of them being good. She is famous, but does anyone really know why?? As far as I know, Paris Hilton is most famous for being born to rich parents, making a sex tape, and for people wondering why she is famous. She really must be making her parents proud.

Paris Hilton first started showing up in the tabloids because of who she was, and who she was hanging out with at clubs. Most of these friends were other spoiled children with whom she attended ritzy boarding schools. In 1999, Paris got kicked out of The Canterbury Boarding School in New Milford, Connecticut, for "violating school rules". Shocking, right?! I would bet the amount she spends on ridiculously priced doggie clothes that it was for flashing her va-jay-jay to the boys' hockey team. That's hot. But don't worry, she got her GED.

She used this bragworthy education to make a movie in 2003. It sold millions of copies. However, it was a movie of her having sex with some dirtbag. Can anyone say "role model"???

Paris has also made headlines with her DUI in 2006. She eventually served something ridiculous like 8 hours in jail because her prissy ass would probably be attacked by beast women inmates who want to pound her ass like I do.

She's also made headlines for being with one of her famous friends while he publicly called Lindsay Lohan a fire crotch (ha..ha..ha...sorry, innappropriate.) Also, she got a lot of attention for "accidentally" flashing her no-no spot to the paparazzi not once, but about three million times. Classy, Paris.

The most laughable attempt of Paris's to cling onto her "fame", was the Mtv show,
Paris Hilton's My New BFF. WHO would want to be this chick's BFF? We also cannot forget about her "hit single" Stars Are Blind. Ummm...who let this girl sing? It's nothing short of terrible.

I have to stop blogging about this girl, I'm getting irritated. The point is,there is no good reason for Paris's fame. She has no purpose, and is utterly useless. Waste of space Hilton is taking up perfectly good oxygen that others could be breathing.

Paris, no one likes you. Anyone who does like you, sucks just as much as you do.