Carlos Mencia: German?

(Photo thanks to ytmnd.com)

Carlos Mencia should not exist. He is the most un-funny stand up "comedian" ever. He gets off on making racist jokes and saying "beaner" and "retard" every thirty seconds. He's even referenced boning his own sister. Seriously, what the hell is wrong with this dude? He is ethnic garbage, and steals jokes more than he makes up his own. I am not sure, but I don't think he got the memo that jokes about rednecks getting killed by tractors and mexicans eating salsa just aren't that funny. Never really have been. He is horrible at every impression that he does, which absolutely defeats the purpose of an impression, am I right?

Anyways, on top of not being funny, and over-emphasizing that he is Mexican, he has been accused of recycling jokes and being more German than Mexican. And, I heard his name isn't really Carlos. Who knows. Or better yet, who cares.

He was publicly outed when Joe Rogan called him out for being a phony, and produced some proof that he had been recylcing jokes. WHAT a loser.

It won't be long before people stop having so much patience with this dumbass and someone kicks his racist ass. Making fun of starving kids in Honduras??? Really, Carlos Mencia?? SO not funny. Douche.

Carlos Mencia needs to take his little comic routine and get out of the spotlight. And while he's at it, he can take Dane Cook with him. :-)

Ashlee Simpson: Tone Deaf Horse Face.

(Photo thanks to makeuptalk.com)
Let's face it, we all know someone who looks like a horse. Ashlee Simpson is that girl for me. She sounds like one too. However this didn't stop some jerkoff from giving her a record deal, did it? Of course not! One for you, one for you..and you...and sure why the fuck not? YOU TOO! That must have been how it went down. Ashlee Simpson showed up on free-record-deal day. That is the only way this insanity could have come about.

Ashlee Simpson lived in the shadow of her famous sister, Jessica. Ashlee definitely got the shit end of the stick because she looked nothing like her blond, talented bombshell sister who could really sing her ass off. Nope, Ashlee was gifted with a donkey voice. She was pursuing ballet when Jessica became famous, and quit after she probably realized ballet would never make her as famous as her sister.

What did she do? She did what everyone does when they want to be famous, appeared in several episodes of 7th Heaven; a retarded "feel-good" family show where the acting sucks like a hoover. She got her name out by doing this, and it wasn't long until all of our ears started ringing when "Pieces of Me" started playing on the radio. Ashlee's first hit single was irritating at best, but the real shit show began when she performed on Saturday Night Live.

As the musical guest for this particular Saturday, I'm sure she was pretty excited. However no one was excited as I was when she did a retarded jig off the stage after she was busted for lip-syncing. "I had laryngitis! I couldn't sing!" Waa, waa, waa, Ashlee. Cry me a river, build a bridge, and then jump off of it.

So after she became the laughing stock of the media, Ashlee sort of slowed down on the singing deal. Thank God. Next she took her chances with plastic surgery. She actually looks a thousand times better post-surgery than she did before. She looks more like her sister, and a little less like a gremlin boy going through puberty.
Kudos on the surgery, Ashlee, just don't sing again.

The last thing Ashlee has done in an attempt to hang onto her fame is getting knocked up by another loser Pete Wentz. He's the kind of guy that cares more about his hair then his son, Bronx Mowgli Wentz. But, with a name like that, I don't know that I blame him all that much.

What is wrong with Ashlee Simpson?? Doesn't she know her kid is gonna get picked on like the ginger kid on the football team? She's an idiot. She thinks she's alternative for giving her kid a retarded name, but really it just reflects on her skills..or lack their of as a mother or as a competent human being.

Be gone, Ashlee Simpson, you AND your gross voice.

Dr. Phil: Creepy Douche.

You're Fat! Don't try and sugar coat it, 'cause you'll eat that too!)
Thanks, asshole.
(Photo Thanks to http://www.schiesshouse.com/medicalhumor_files/image001.jpg)


I hate Dr. Phil. I always have. He is obnoxious and has that holier than thou type of mentality. He spends all of his pathetic life telling others what they are doing wrong when he's the biggest loser I've ever seen. Why would anyone take this asshole's advice? He's a balding creep with a caterpillar moustache who is literally the seventh ugliest person on planet earth.

Dr. Phil has become famous by leeching off of Oprah Winfrey. He used to appear on her show probably once a week to give the most obvious marriage advice. After a while, he got his own show and I lost all faith in television. His shiny dome sits on a chair and tells emotionally weak people the most obvious answers to all of their woes. His pocket is growing larger and I am becoming more irritated. I could have Dr. Phil's job and spit straight bullshit into the minds of Americans, and I would look a lot less hideous while doing so. Fuck, man.

I don't even want to get into how annoying his voice is. He's a dumb, monotonous prick who can't stop talking and acting like he has all of the answers to every problem that can possibly arise in a marriage. I'd like to ask his wife a few questions. The first one is in regards to how she allows him to have sex with her, and the second is why she is still married to this scrotum sack named Phil. I hope his wife leaves him so more people can see what a hoax his idiotic show really is.

His show is nothing but a way for him to launch self-help books and loads of other bullshit. If the people on his show can't come up with the most basic solutions that he gives them, then they don't deserve to have their problems fixed. If you're having communication problems, then fucking talk more, Sherlock!

I didn't even want to post a picture of Dr. Phil because I feel like his beady little eyes are invading my privacy and luring me into buying one of his dumb shit books, but I did anyway so that all of you can agree that he fell out of the ugly tree and hit every branch on his way down.

Kevin Federline: Baby Daddy.

K-Fed is such a moron. He definitely shouldn't be famous, and the only reason he is famous is for fertilizing some eggs. He is the ex-boyfriend and baby daddy to Shar Jackson, an actress who was on the show Moesha, but really became famous when he went from being a back up dancer for Britney Spears, to the father of her two children. He is a male gold-digger. He impregnanted Miss Spears not once, but twice. That's like making the same mistake twice. (For Britney). Obviously if he had no problem scooting out on Shar, things may not be so different even if you are Britney Spears.

K-Fed also gave the rap world a try. He entered with guns blazin' and spittin to beats like in his single PopoZao. I'm not going to try to explain it. Just watch.

Ugggghhhhh, awful. I literally feel embarrassed for this jackass.

Conveniently for K-fed, Britney went all crazy bitch and shaved her hair off and attacked some paparazzi with an umbrella (NO BIG DEAL), so he looked like the normal parent when it came time for their break up. He ended up with custody of the kids, which is probably the first brag-worthy accomplishment of his sad, sad life.

These days, thankfully K-Fed has moved on from trying to rap and is clinging to the spotlight by appearing on Celebrity Fit Club. I'm just glad he knows he's fat now, so that I don't have to be the bearer of bad news. He went from a very fit dancer's body to a "i don't care that it's 10 a.m., I want a philly cheese steak and beer" body. Good thing he's trying to address that.

Good Luck, Kevin! I hope you lose so many LB's that you disappear all together. ;-)