(Photo thanks to makeuptalk.com)
Let's face it, we all know someone who looks like a horse. Ashlee Simpson is that girl for me. She sounds like one too. However this didn't stop some jerkoff from giving her a record deal, did it? Of course not! One for you, one for you..and you...and sure why the fuck not? YOU TOO! That must have been how it went down. Ashlee Simpson showed up on free-record-deal day. That is the only way this insanity could have come about.
Ashlee Simpson lived in the shadow of her famous sister, Jessica. Ashlee definitely got the shit end of the stick because she looked nothing like her blond, talented bombshell sister who could really sing her ass off. Nope, Ashlee was gifted with a donkey voice. She was pursuing ballet when Jessica became famous, and quit after she probably realized ballet would never make her as famous as her sister.
What did she do? She did what everyone does when they want to be famous, appeared in several episodes of 7th Heaven; a retarded "feel-good" family show where the acting sucks like a hoover. She got her name out by doing this, and it wasn't long until all of our ears started ringing when "Pieces of Me" started playing on the radio. Ashlee's first hit single was irritating at best, but the real shit show began when she performed on Saturday Night Live.
As the musical guest for this particular Saturday, I'm sure she was pretty excited. However no one was excited as I was when she did a retarded jig off the stage after she was busted for lip-syncing. "I had laryngitis! I couldn't sing!" Waa, waa, waa, Ashlee. Cry me a river, build a bridge, and then jump off of it.
So after she became the laughing stock of the media, Ashlee sort of slowed down on the singing deal. Thank God. Next she took her chances with plastic surgery. She actually looks a thousand times better post-surgery than she did before. She looks more like her sister, and a little less like a gremlin boy going through puberty.
Kudos on the surgery, Ashlee, just don't sing again.
The last thing Ashlee has done in an attempt to hang onto her fame is getting knocked up by another loser Pete Wentz. He's the kind of guy that cares more about his hair then his son, Bronx Mowgli Wentz. But, with a name like that, I don't know that I blame him all that much.
What is wrong with Ashlee Simpson?? Doesn't she know her kid is gonna get picked on like the ginger kid on the football team? She's an idiot. She thinks she's alternative for giving her kid a retarded name, but really it just reflects on her skills..or lack their of as a mother or as a competent human being.
Be gone, Ashlee Simpson, you AND your gross voice.
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